I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
