Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
