There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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