clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its about making memories worth repressing
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
