the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
