Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
