And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
