halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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