I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
