I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
