You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
