My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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