Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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