Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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