my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
