how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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