today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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