if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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