Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
