Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
