she looked like the before picture.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
