We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did I show you my penis last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
