just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
