How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
