So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
