im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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