Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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