does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
