yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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