Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
