Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
