Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
