Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its not stalking. its research.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
