i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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