my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
