I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
