craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
