Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
