Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
