Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
