I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Randomize
