You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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