Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
