while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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