I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
