According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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