he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
