Me. At least after what I've been through.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
