I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
