he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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