I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
