I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
