Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The power of my boobs compel you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
